I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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