why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
