no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
