Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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