Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
