forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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