Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
