suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
high people should be assigned attendants
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Mom said you looked used
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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