I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Randomize
