but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
