Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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