My friends, they love my intelligence
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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