I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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