sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
