I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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