just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
