the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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