I'm drive I can fine osifer
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
