.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
