Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
