I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
