someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
