In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
