Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Randomize
