In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
