how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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