I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
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