apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
