Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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