seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
