Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
she told me i tasted like america
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
