If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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