so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
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