dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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