I think I died a long time ago.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
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