Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
