she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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