A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
