I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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