my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
