I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
