Just cropdusted the office
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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