he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
