Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Idk if I want to put a bra on
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
