The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
