There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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