She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
