i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
