So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
