I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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